


hearts have never been this close

by suhrealist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M, NCT Night Night, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrealist/pseuds/suhrealist
Summary: There are nights when Jaehyun has to stop and think about how on Earth he got here, foolishly and undoubtedly in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61
Collections: JohnJae Fan Week 2021





	hearts have never been this close

**Author's Note:**

> for #JohnJaeWeek2021 #Day4
> 
> ↳ music & radio
> 
> the playlist [x](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3n3bMnjQmSIz8zVpCg8yjb?si=EHNtHTy5TKe8C25NGBWwzQ)
> 
> (this is basically just me waxing poetic about johnny through jaehyun.)

There are nights when Jaehyun has to stop and think about how on Earth he got here, foolishly and undoubtedly in love with his best friend.

It wasn't difficult at all, Jaehyun reasons. Johnny holds a brightness that makes him feel so, so warm. It's in the way he takes care of everyone around him, the way he is so unapologetically himself, the way he can tease a smile or a laugh out of Jaehyun even when he's in his sourest moods.

He glances out the car window, the glare of the streetlamps making him squint. Everything passes by so quickly, he thinks, the streets of Seoul still as busy as ever despite the late hour.

Beside him, Johnny scrolls through his phone, reading up on the fans' reactions on their latest broadcast. He basks in the comfort of Johnny's soft chuckles and closes his eyes, allowing himself a few moments of rest.

***

Jaehyun lives for nights like this.

All their schedules have begun to loosen up and all he had were his nightly radio broadcasts with Johnny. Johnny, who's walking out of their bedroom and brandishing a newly opened bottle of wine. Doyoung has allowed them to raid his mini fridge (after being forced into it) and they're all lying around the living room, just chatting and devouring stacks of chips and instant ramen. He knows he's going to have to spend extra time at the gym to work it off, but at least he and Johnny can make a date of it.

All their conversations seem to be aimless, going nowhere, but they make Jaehyun laugh and that makes them valuable. He's only had half a glass but he can tell his entire face is flushed pink, his mind already the good kind of hazy.

Johnny bursts out laughing at something Yuta says and Jaehyun can't help but stare. Johnny was like the sun, but still bright, still beautiful even in the night. Something about him has pulled Jaehyun into his orbit and he's trapped, going in circles. But being near him was enough for Jaehyun to keep from pulling away.

At one point, someone brings out their karaoke mic and somehow, it ends up in Jaehyun's hands. Scrolling through the song selection, Jaehyun's eyes land on a title he's fallen asleep to so many times he's lost count. A guitar plucks the familiar intro before Jaehyun sings, soft and low, voice a little raspy from the alcohol and laughter.

_ The way to love me isn't hard, _

_ Just hold me tight like you are now. _

The night winds down. Everyone else has either dozed off in the living room or made their way into their own beds. There's no one left to hear Jaehyun sing except the one person he's too embarrassed to look in the eyes.

Johnny is uncharacteristically quiet, watching Jaehyun through hooded eyelids, chewing on his bottom lip. Jaehyun resists the urge to just kiss him right there, blaming his drunkenness for the sudden thought.

He ends up next to Johnny anyway, sitting on the floor, backs against their couch. Johnny tells him stories about growing up in Chicago, of going through high school while training at the company at the same time. Jaehyun can't help but admire how hard Johnny works, how long he's persevered and how far he's come.

Jaehyun tells him of the days he used to get teased at school. It's something he doesn't mention often but something about the wine in his system and the late night makes him more open. More vulnerable.

"Why would they say that? You're so lovely though..." Johnny says, eyes closed and head leaning back on the couch.

Jaehyun flushes at his words and tries to laugh it off. He hates how every tiny compliment from Johnny makes his heart swell. Why does he have to have that habit of making everyone around him feel good about themselves?

He takes this time to study Johnny's face. He looks calm but his lips still curve up into a faint smile. They stay this way for so long that the room starts to slowly brighten.

"What time is it?" Jaehyun mutters, looking around for his phone.

"Shit, we should get some sleep," Johnny says, but makes his way towards the balcony instead. Jaehyun follows, drawn to the warmth. From the sun or Johnny, he's not quite sure.

The sunrise slowly lights up the sky, casting a warm glow on Jaehyun's face. He wishes for more nights, more days, just like this. The comfortable silence, just him and Johnny, as if the rest of the world has faded away into the background.

***

It was Johnny’s idea to dedicate songs to each other on air.

Jaehyun spends hours, racking his brain and his playlists for a song that would fit the occasion. In truth, these days, every love song he comes across reminds him of Johnny. Yes, he’s whipped, but can anyone blame him?

Ever since they were trainees, Johnny always took care of him. Being the youngest for a while had its perks, and he thinks Johnny never really forgot that he used to be the baby of the group. Johnny often teased Mark and even Jisung but rarely him. Everyone likes to call Johnny the scariest member but he never really felt that. 

Johnny was always soft pats on the back and reassuring words on days when the strenuous practice or harsh evaluators got to Jaehyun. He was the relieving sound of laughter after a bad joke and celebrating even the smallest victories. He was the comfortable presence in their shared bedroom. Johnny has always been the reliable, doting older brother towards Jaehyun.

He needs to do something to change that.

Jaehyun holds tightly onto his radio script, mentally rehearsing his lines in his head. Over the past few months, the station has become a second home to him. He’s happy that he gets to share more of himself with their listeners and having an excuse to spend more time with Johnny, just talking and laughing together, has made what he thought was just an infatuation grow into something much more.

Getting to go home together and sleeping next to beds so close together was becoming more frustrating with each day. Each day that he doesn’t get to hold Johnny’s hand and tell him just how he feels feels like so much time lost. 

He’s honestly past the point of fear and anxiety. He knows it’s a possibility that confessing would make things awkward between them, but he also knows that their friendship is strong enough to move past that.

He hears Johnny introducing the next segment and it shakes him out of his thoughts. It was now or never.

“So Jaehyun and I have been doing this radio for a few months now but we’ve never actually recommended songs that remind us of each other.” Johnny glances at Jaehyun with a smile and Jaehyun nods at him to continue.

“I’m going to start things off with a song by one of my favorite bands, as most of you will probably know. It’s a song I wanted to dedicate to our Jaehyun as a sort of reminder that I’ll always be here for you. Even if we’re not always together, whenever you need me, I would drop anything and run to you. We both have and will continue to go through tough times, but at least we can spend those times together.”

The song plays before Jaehyun can even process the things that Johnny said. His chest feels like it’s swelling and constricting at the same time. It makes him feel more certain about what he’s about to do, because no matter what, he wasn’t going to lose Johnny. He takes a deep breath as the song closes-he’ll probably be listening to it on repeat on the car ride home-and clears his throat as he gets cued to start talking.

“Johnny hyung and I have been doing this for a while now, and we’ve been roommates for even longer. There’s this song that I’ve been listening to…”

“Does it make you think of me?” Johnny asks, a slight teasing tone in his voice.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun replies, confident and smiling. “I kept thinking of you and I thought it would be nice to be able to talk about it, so this is perfect timing. We’ve really gotten closer these past few months and we share a lot of thoughts, opinions, feelings… We spend a lot of time together. This is a song that reminds me of those times, a lot of good and really precious times.”

Jaehyun takes a peek at Johnny, who looks like he’s concentrating hard on listening to the song. He hopes his meaning comes across, because he really doesn’t know how to express it with words. He’s often called the prince of the group. Romance and love are so tied to his public image. It’s funny how little experience he has with it but he hopes that Johnny will stop seeing him as a child and instead, someone who he can fall in love with.

_ How can I be so lucky, _

_ to have met you? _

The last song ends and Jaehyun prepares to close tonight’s show. Johnny is quiet again, just like that night they ended up being the only two people awake. He can’t gauge his reaction quite yet and it makes him a little nervous, his palms sweating as he puts his headphones back on.

“The last two songs were pretty heavy,” Jaehyun says with a chuckle, attempting to lighten up the mood. “But we’ll still get to spend time together in the future, even ten years from now, I’m sure we’ll still be together.”

“Sorry,” Johnny chimes in with a rueful smile on his face. “I didn’t mean to get so sentimental.”

“Let’s all continue to be each other’s strength. Thank you and goodnight!”

***

They spend a couple of minutes chatting with the rest of the crew before heading back to the dorms. The whole time, Johnny doesn’t give any indication that something has shifted. Jaehyun’s about to throw in the towel when he feels a hand wrapping around his own across the car seat.

“Later,” Johnny whispers, giving his hand a squeeze.

Jaehyun’s heart does a somersault, nervous but excited at the same time.

_ It worked. _

He forces himself to act normal while bidding their driver and manager goodnight, all the way up during the elevator ride, into the common space of their dorm where Yuta and Mark are busy playing video games while Taeyong cooks up a late night snack.

“Hey guys! How’d the broadcast go?” Taeyong asks, stirring a pan full of tteokbokki. Jaehyun can feel his stomach rumbling but right now he has a one-track mind. Nothing will stop him from hearing what Johnny has to say.

“It was good!” Johnny replies for the both of them. “I’m just gonna go get changed first.”

“Uh, me too,” Jaehyun says, excusing himself and following after Johnny. He misses the looks the others send between them behind their backs, already way too preoccupied with anticipation.

He closes the door to their shared bedroom behind him, watching as Johnny’s back muscles flex when he shrugs off his jacket.  _ Now’s not the time, Jaehyun. _

Johnny takes a seat on the edge of his bed and Jaehyun follows suit. Their beds are pushed so close next to each other that their knees brush when they sit face to face. Jaehyun waits for Johnny to start speaking, watching as he tugs at his earring, a nervous habit that Jaehyun has picked up on.

“I meant what I said, you know… About the song and everything…”

Jaehyun nods, already knowing it to be true. Johnny doesn’t just lie, even if it sounds like fan service.

“What about you?” Johnny fixes him with an expectant look, biting his lower lip, another unconscious habit of his. Jaehyun could write an entire glossary of all things Johnny Suh.

“I…” Jaehyun starts, but switches gears and starts scrolling through his phone to look for the song instead. He presses play and a soft, warm voice fills their room.

_ All the words in my heart, _

_ I can’t show them all to you. _

_ But it’s that I love you. _

Jaehyun leans forward and cups Johnny’s warm cheek in his hand. He searches the other boy’s eyes for a sign to continue but he doesn’t need to when Johnny places his own hand over Jaehyun’s, pulling him in closer.

Their lips touch for the briefest of moments but it was enough. It was a start, a promise of many more to come. Jaehyun feels more than sees Johnny’s smile under his touch and he knows he’s sporting an identical dumb expression on his face.

Fuck. He’s just so deep in love.

“I think that answers your question,” Jaehyun says and joins in Johnny’s laughing.

“You’re lovely, you know that?” Johnny says, squeezing Jaehyun’s hands again.

“I’ve heard someone say so once.”

***

Jaehyun sits in the backseat of their company car at the end of their last broadcast. It’s quiet, save for the usual sound of traffic in the middle of the city. The days leading up to this have been difficult, having to come to terms with letting go of something that he and Johnny made together. All the stories and laughter they shared that allowed them to grow closer. All the music that helped them convey their feelings.

He doesn’t know where he would be without it. Probably still lying awake at night and pining over his best friend, he thinks.

He looks over at Johnny, whose gaze is glued to the car window. Both their eyes are still puffy from crying and saying goodbye to their little Ennana family. He’s going to miss it but he knows that he has to keep moving forward. Life in Seoul, especially as an idol, is fast paced and it’s so easy to get left behind. Sometimes Jaehyun wonders if he’s really cut out for this.

Johnny reaches out to link their fingers, a subtle but reassuring touch, and Jaehyun knows it’s going to be okay.

Because even ten years from now, they’ll be together.

**Author's Note:**

> songs mentioned in this fic (in order):
> 
> title - maybe the night by ben&ben  
> jaehyun's karaoke song - only then by roy kim  
> johnny's song for jaehyun - swallowed in the sea by coldplay  
> jaehyun's song for johnny - through the night by iu
> 
> *their dedications were based on 190121 nct night night
> 
> i hope you liked my little gift for johnjae nation <3
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/suhreaIist) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/suhrealist)


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